MissHezah | I Used To Write Lists
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I Used To Write Lists

I Used To Write Lists

When I used to live in the communal bowels of the good ole days of Tumblr, I wrote a lot of lists. I leaned on this format because it was quick and dirty. It was relatable. It got reblogged. They were easy for me to write and easy for people to read. Lists were my feedback loop fuel.

 

I don’t know why I don’t write lists anymore. Well, digital ones at least. I handwrite lists all the time.

 

Having my own site and space is nice. It’s like I upgraded my scrappy studio filled with mismatched Craigslist furniture to a new, modern condo with the means to mostly decorate like an adult. But, I supposed I feel like I can’t be messy in my new space, and that goes for my writing. I used to slap out a blog in an hour and post it, typos, poor word choice, lack of perspective and all. And, I didn’t care.

 

Now, I care. About EVERYTHING. I belabor my thoughts, judge my ideas, and become so paralyzed by my own imposter syndrome, that I don’t post anything at all. I thought I was supposed to care less in my thirties than my twenties, but I seem to be holding myself to a much higher, self-imposed, standard. Life just gets more complicated, and heavier, even. What I’m compelled to write about isn’t always light or in the moment the way it was when I was younger. I’m more interested in thoughts and feelings that require internal processing and editing before they hit my fingertips. and everything grows bigger from relationships, responsibilities, and your roster of medical specialists. Somewhere been my first year of marriage, important new title at work, and obtaining a gastroenterologist and endocrinologist, I became too busy for writing, distracted by life, and too good for lists. Or maybe, I’m worried people won’t like reading the bigger stuff. Maybe they were always in it for the digestible fluff.

 

But, I’ve had a hard couple of weeks, physically and emotionally. I’ve fallen into listening to moody music on the verge of tears on my commutes. Crying isn’t really my jam though, so I guess I’ll fall back on an old friend.

 

Things That Make Me Happy In My Early 30’s

  • Switching to heavy whipping cream in my morning coffee
  • Getting naked and blissed out for three hours at Korean Spa once a month
  • Buying stupid toys for my cats that they will love for exactly one hour
  • Looking at my wedding rings under overhead lighting
  • Finding a really good deal
  • Bluetooth headphones
  • Microwave rice pouches
  • Acupuncture
  • Reading drama in closed Facebook groups
  • Having an essential oil for every situation
  • Slow fashion
  • Trying to keep up with Zumba choreography
  • High waisted anything
  • Watching people feel comfortable with themselves
  • La Croix, despite being made with bugs?
  • Orange wine
  • Indpendent female designers
  • Remembering to checking my bias before I send texts, emails, or social posts
  • Wearing lipstick for no reason
  • History podcasts
  • Putting cheese on everything
  • Wrapping my brain around genuinely understanding gender identity
  • Having travel anxiety with my husband, who also has travel anxiety
  • Trying new car air fresheners
  •  Ceramics
  • Listening to my Spotify Discover playlist to make sure I don’t lose touch with new music
  • But also listening to John Mayer on vinyl
  • Getting better at doing things that scare me
  • Being more politically active and aware than ever
  • Good fabric
  • Spending car rides business planning with my husband
  • Old school board games
  • Crewneck sweatshirts
  • Text chains that are over a year old and still trucking

 

Well, that felt nice. I’d say I’ll try and do these once a week but another thing I really enjoy in my early thirties is not setting myself to fail!

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